The steps to become strong again [Fanalis Corps training/plot/Private]

The fanalis was only a couple of feet away at the moment, in a couple of more minutes she would be at the top of the giant rock pillar, she had remembered when she practiced this long ago to get stronger, it felt like a simple task now but back then it took her a whole week to be able to do it through all the storms and wild bird that tried to attack her. Now wasn't really the time for remembering or was it, the white haired girl was her after all to meditate and learn how to overcome her memories and pains. It was only two days after she had encountered Remus and she got these white locks of hair from shock. Over these couple of days she felt waves of emotion, on the first day afterwards she felt as if nothing had happened and as if everything was okay, the day had passed as if nothing had happened but this morning she realized it was because her brain was suppressing everything.

She woke up like normal but then her thoughts started racing and she remembered what had happened, when the thoughts of the illusions flooded her mind, the thought of her mother's death and the loss of her friend. The warrior had a panic attack while having these thoughts, she thrashed around in her bed and started foaming from the mouth. The thing she was most thankful about during the attack was that she hadn't screamed out loud or that could have spelled trouble. She had to hide her problems from Ku and Agatha or else they might worry about her too much. She had to face this or at least start trying to face this on her own.

As she grasped the edge the fanalis gave one last pull and had reached the top of the rock pillar. It didn't feel like she had been climbing much but she was sure it took about a half hour to reach the top, if she had gone faster the girl would have gotten to the top faster but would probably be very tired. She walked towards the center of it and sat down crossing her legs, she had to focus now, she had to focus on what had happened, she wasn't sure on how to overcome her pain, thinking about it probably wouldn't be an answer but maybe she would find some sort of clue or something. She did need to strengthen her mind at least, she still had to train after all and this was the most beneficial thing for the white haired girl.

She quieted down and tried to focus on the memories of what had happened as to hopefully try and overcome the pains. She tried thinking about her mother's face, unknowingly crying. Soon she was brought to the image of the day she died but unlike the illusion this felt darker and more realistic, she looked at her hands and they looked small again as if her age had been reversed, it was just her reliving things through her own mind but it felt so realistic, as she looked at her mother's sickly face the girl started to hyperventilate and soon the image had began to break. Merrze curled herself up into a ball rocking back and forth repeating the same message over and over again.

"It's my vault that mommy is gone, Merrze is sorry mommy, please forgive me I love you, please forgive me mommy."

As she was cradling her senses slowly came back, she despised herself at the moment. Not to long ago she was able to relive her past as if it was nothing, she was mentally strong but that monster Remus had destroyed, he had drove the thoughts into her mind with the vividness. How could she ever lead people like this, she wanted to and was still going to try but Octavius was right. At this moment if she tried leading anyone they would probably only get hurt in the end. She bit her lip and cringed at anger in herself, she had no self confidence she couldn't even face her problems right now let alone overcome them. She thought she could overcome them in a short time and get back to work but now it was obvious that wasn't going to happen, how the hell would she do this.

She sat there in her misery trying to think, she tried thinking about her friend this time but that overwhelmed her too. She started crying and blaming herself again. She didn't realise how long she had done both of these until she looked at the sky, it was the afternoon and all she did was cry and blame herself. It was obvious that before she could overcome her problems she had to gain more confidence in herself so that she could face them, if she believed in herself just a little she would be able to push through the pain so that she could begin the face things, but now she had to go home and get some rest, she felt mentally tired. She walked over to the edge and started to climb her way down. She would be back here tomorrow so that she could hopefully try and think things over again.

---

She was sitting in the sweltering heat trying to focus as the winds blew by making the white haired girl's hair flow with the wind. Since the day before had yielded no progress she needed to try and regain some confidence, she knew she couldn't gain it back in a single day but it was possible for her to gain just a little so she could try to think things over. Even if it was only a bit she needed to crawl before she could run again. How could she do it, how could she gain confidence, do something that proved she was strong, no at that moment she still wouldn't believe in herself, She sat on the thought of how she could start her confidence again.

Maybe if she thought about what made her strong before that could work, if she had thought about what made Merrze Merrze she might gain a tiny fraction of that which was taken away by Remus. She thought back to the time when she was first broken, when she was was first taken by those traders, she tried not thinking about Anaizi so but instead on only herself and the after effects, she was stronger as a child because of the pain she had to deal with before, she pushed through everything no matter what and tried to survive despite being alone for the longest time. Afterwards she knew fear and still does, she learned bad things would happen to her and that there were stronger people who would try to destroy her life. She felt useless after that like she did now, what helped her before was her master.

She smiled remembering him, she called him her master but he was like a father to her. He raised her for the longest time after all, he made her into the warrior she is now. Thinking about it was him who gave her the strength that she had, he was hard on her when it came to training but when it came to raising her he was caring. He watched after her when she was sad and told her there was nothing to worry about, he had her face things when she was in pain to try and learn that nothing was wrong, that man taught her her everything she knew about fighting and surviving he had gave her strength.

She was no longer a child and couldn't be babied by anyone anymore and had to learn to overcome things. She had became strong because of others, she had lost it when she lost her leg thinking she was careless but she learned it was because she was young and was bound to make mistakes. She had learned her problems and had gained her strength once again when she was kidnapped by the slavers not too long ago, they tried to break her and she slowly started becoming weaker but thought about saving others, what she learned was to not focus on her pain but to help others, if she were to be a leader she had to save others and do her best to become stronger for others.

After thinking about all of this she realized that while her strength was gone now it would come back eventually no matter how long it took. She didn't know if she could become stronger but she knew what made her stronger before. She didn't know if she had gained any strength from realizing why and how she needed to be strong. She had to be strong to lead and fight for her goals, and if she wanted to get strong again she had to learn to push through things until it came back, no matter the pain she had to at least try or she would make no progress.

She would try to think about her mother's death one more time, she needed to try and push herself more until she was a bit more used to it. If she could just get farther in the memory then she could get stronger, the fanalis knew that she had to push herself as much as possible. She started recreating the scene of her mother's death again, as the scenery of her mind changed to her old shack, as things started changing by looking at her hands she was a child again in her mind. Then her mother appeared looking as sick and thin as the day she died. Upon looking at her face Merrze started hyperventilating and crying again but she tried to push herself to imagine more. She crawled towards her mom crying and as she got close her mother rested her hand on the young girls face.

From her touch she broke down remembering the pain she felt and all the happy times that she forgot. As she broke free from the memories she cried from the thoughts, she cried from the happy memories that were stolen when she died. She cried and cried while screaming her mother's name, she had gotten farther she tried pushing through the sadness and made it slightly farther, she was far from her goal but it was on step on a path of a thousand steps. She didn't know how long it would take but she would regain her strength. She stood up with the tears streaming down her face, she was going to go home and write a message to her master so that he could visit her, she felt like she needed to talk to him, but until that came she was going to go through the pain everyday trying to make as much practice as possible.

Word Counter: 1000+/1000

It was slightly over a week ago when Merrze had written to her mast Duban telling him something's about what had happened to her, she was surprised by how fast she had gotten a reply though, he claimed that he was heading to Reim to visit her and when he arrived he would send for her so that the two of them could discuss things, she had lived with him for a good portion of her life but she never understood what he was thinking, she was glad that he was coming but she thought the two of them would exchange letters and of course he did the opposite of what she thought what was going to happen.

It had been a good while since the two of the had talked so she missed him, she was grateful to him and saw him as the closest thing to a father that she had growing up, she wondered about him, she wondered if he would miss her at all. It would make sense if he did, despite how he acted he was a really nice person who cared about the wellbeing of others, he's the one who gave
her sense of wanting to help people and such which eventually lead to her coming up with her dream.

As she decided it was a good time for her to go leave for mental training, she hasn't made much progress since before but she had to keep trying if she wanted to get farther in her training. She walked out the door of her room and Agatha stopped her for a brief moment before she was gone.

"Merrze, just so you know a man came by earlier saying that he needed to meet with you, I think he said to meet you at that old abandoned temple and that his name was Duban, it sounds really sketchy, you should probably go down there with a few people and apprehend whoever this person is.

She was surprised to hear it was Duban but that made things good then, she could try and ask him for some advice now that she had the chance.

"It's okay Aggie, I know him personally and he's not trying to cause me any trouble, he's just not very social so he probably doesn't want to talk in public"

She waved her goodbyes and exited the inn, the white haired girl had a change of plans, seeing him would most likely be very good for her. Maybe just maybe he could say something that could speed up the process, then again knowing him he wouldn't let things go by quickly, she would have to think things out, he could try and confuse her to make things harder so that she would have to put more effort into improving herself, he was never went easier on her when it came to training. If something was broken the exercises were harder, if she said she was tired she had a half hour added to the original time, it was so he could harden her, heck he might be pissed at Merrze. Facing him mad was something she didn't want to do, he was probably superior to her and could beat her if he truly wanted to.

She just thought about things as she walked to the temple, it wasn't that far from where she had lived, in fact she had only needed to walk for about 15 minutes to get there, then again the fanalis walked faster than most normal people since she had the crazy speed. She walked inside the abandoned temple looking around for him, she tried smelling for him but she couldn't locate his scent very specifically. As she looked around she heard a voice say something to her and when she looked the warrior saw the old man sitting on some steps looking at her.

"It's good to see you again Merrze, come sit next to me and tell me how things have been since you've come to Reim."

He had a complacent expression but his tone was kind with an almost undetectable tone of worry, she walked over to him and took a seat. The fanalis would retell everything that had happened to her, it had truly been a lot, hopefully she wouldn't bore him to sleep with it though.

"Well when I first came here to Reim things were pretty boring, the only thing going on was that there was this bad atmosphere because the animosity between Reim and Kou, but I did multiple jobs and made some friends, earned myself some fame at the coliseum, learned more about the culture. Things last like that for a while, but soon after that the war broke out. As you most likely heard there was a war between Reim and Kou well I fought for Reim, during an important battle I disobeyed orders which had gotten me hurt and could have jeopardized the mission but we managed to pull it off in the end. I also tamed a pet beast who is like family to me, but during the war I saw a monster in the body of a little girl who had the power to wipe out soldiers with the greatest of ease. She treated as if was just a game, through this I learned more about mortality and started to appreciate lives more. I learned that my temper could control me and would lead to my downfall, that I had things to fight for, because you see I have an adopted daughter now."

She stopped for a second but then continued relaying what had happened.

"I feel inlove with a man, the crush started before the war but didn't blossom until after it was over which is a new experience for me. At some point I was kidnapped by a group of slavers called the black spiders, you might have heard of them before, but they tried to break me so I could be sold but it didn't work, I went through hell having my fear pressured onto me, sure I cried and freaked out but I never broke, this gave me the chance to break free and I lead a revolt bringing them here safely to Reim, I felt so good doing that, I felt look like I could lead and achieve my goal of founding a country. I also joined the fanalis corps and am now a colonel. Soon after this I went on an adventure to an island, it was filled with all sorts of monsters and secrets. I learned that my race came from a different world and it was truly interesting.but terrifying."

She pulled some of her white hair and showed to him and he looked at it with intrigue

"And then the story of how this happened didn't happen to long ago. One night I encountered the leader of the black spiders who wanted to make me some sort of pet you see, he put me through the most agonizing experience of my life. He was behind the most painful moments of my life, he took me and my friend into slavery when we were younger and apparently he bought my dad with medicine that I needed to live, he made the images so vivid and I started to break and I did, my hair turned white from shock it seems, I felt worthless as if he had stolen everything I had worked up from my childhood to my adulthood, I don't know if they will heal."

He stood up and walked to the center of the temple, he started speaking trying to relay some advice but he seemed like he was preparing for something.

"My little fiery child, I can tell you've been through a lot and it sounds like you've had an interesting life. You don't see as if you have learned anything but instead forgot my teachings. I want you to come at me, you know I will attack you if you don't so come at me with all you got young lady."

She started moving at him, when the warrior got close to the veteran, as she moved in she went to punch him but he grabbed her by the arm and threw her over her shoulders like she was nothing. She charged at him again and tried to kick him but he reversed it then punched her in the gut causing her to stagger backwards. He delivered hard blows despite his age and he managed to be fast. But his man factor was he was more knowledgeable in the ways of fighting so he could just out maneuver her. She tried to jump at him and he went to punch her but she grabbed his hand, she took this moment to try and throw him but he suckerpunched her with his open hand.

"You said you've changed and you have alright you've lost your spark Merrze, you don't want to kill unless they;re bad but even in sparring you have to fight with a fiery heart, you may not be the angry child who tried to fight me over any little thing but you can't suppress it because it's dangerous, are you a fool child, if you're strong you don't have to worry about it controlling you because it is a emotion that you have control over."

The old man picked up the white haired girl but continued to lecture her as he threw her away about 3 meters.

"You lost your fangs so you need to get them back, you decide what they're used for and what they're used on. Fight with more tenacity, just because you got beaten and humiliated doesn't mean you get to get weaker, I will not allow it child, you have to stronger, you must always strive to get stronger, it's okay to be afraid and to cry, but they will never break you, No one says you have to overcome all of your pain and your fears to be strong, you have to keep fighting even when these weigh you down or you're disrespecting everyone that helped you get this far. You said you learned to keep fighting and lived for what you care about then face these problems head on, even if you can't overcome them you need to learn to not let them break you, nothing will break the Merrze I know. You've fallen hard and lost your wings, you are going to climb to where you were before in half the time, when I met you you were broken and it took forever for you to fight back. I know you can do it child it might be slow but just try your damn hardest like I know you can."

She stood up and looked at him, she slammed her fists together sending a blast of air which did damage to his eardrums surprising the man causing them to ring. She looked at him with a smirk, she still felt her uneasiness but his gruff and loud words settled in her heart. Even if she couldn't accept all that had happened she had to keep trying in general no matter how much it hurt she could do it. Remus would not be able to hurt her again, she might cry and weep but she will try to do everything in her power to not let him win again.

"I got it you old fart, I don't know how long till I can handle things but I'm gonna earn my strength back and do what I need to do."

Word Count: 1929/1000

Ability Trained:

He stood up and looked at her with a grin on his face, he couldn't hear much of what she was saying but the old man could tell her feelings through her body language, he was teaching her what she needed to understand. That her past could hurt her and in fact it would probably continue to hurt her but that she couldn't let it dictate her life. He cracked his knuckles getting into a battle stance, as he stared down Merrze with a stern gaze he spoke with a booming voice, giving off a powerful presence like he would when he was in the military.

"That's a little more like it you cub, but you still have a lot to learn before you can ever beat me in a one on one fight. I've taught you a many of things and I still have a lot more to teach you, so come at me with the intent to kill, or do you underestimate your master's skill."

He was going to rile up her confidence, he had no idea how bad of a condition she was but he intended to help her fully, she was his daughter in his mind, he was going to give her the strength she needed to face her problems.

The white haired girl listened to him and gave a smirk, she stepped forward and started to move towards him, as she moved she got fast and got close to the veteran within a couple of seconds. She went to punch him but he redirected her attack then went to knee her but she blocked his attack. He went to uppercut the girl and the blow landed but she quickly recovered and kicked him away, she didn't use her full force as so not to break any bones but that gave him a displeased look.

"I know you can hit harder than that, you have to push ahead with your worries, you can fight with your all against me, or are you afraid of what will happen if you try to push ahead and face things head on."

He talked about her problems and the fight as if they were one, the fanalis knew she had to keep trying, she had to try to do things with the best of her ability if she wanted to move ahead and make any progress. She rushed ahead at him and tried to kick him but he grabbed and hurled her 5m away, she had to stop holding back, she needed to show him what she was made of, then she thought about it, she could try to use the new technique she had been thinking off, it was a type of shock wave that would most like deal enough damage to him.

"I'll show you what I'm made of you old man, I've gotten strong enough to beat you, as you said I've been pulling my punches basically."

She took a deep breath and lifted her foot, the fanalis quickly slammed her foot into the ground creating a shockwave that travelled forward surprising the old man, he didn't think she would have developed such a technique, he tried to jump but only got one foot of the ground, the shockwave went through his other foot breaking it and he stumbled to the ground. She was surprised that she landed it, perhaps it was luck that her attack had landed. Sure the ground cracked but it was a dusty broken down temple so she was sure that no one would have minded.

"So how'd ya like that, it's one of the secret techniques of my martial arts style, so was that attack that took out your eardrums."

"I admit defeat, that was a good attack, your still far from surpassing me though Merrze, I expect you to keep up your training so that one day you will surpass me."

He was slightly holding back in that fight but he knew if she kept training a year from now it was possible for her to surpass him in power, then again his strength was fading. In a few years he would most likely be incapable of fighting but that's what happens after years of strain on the body. As he hopped on one foot to the steps and sat down he started to speak to Merrze to give her some parting words before he would leave to go to his hotel.

"I've never been through emotional trauma in my life, and I never loved much since I've been alone for most of my life, never getting married or having kids but Merrze you are my daughter, after raising you I grew to love you and accept you as my child and my student, but that's not the point of what I'm saying, I've been trying to tell you through this fight that you always have to try your best with things. I know it may sound cliche but trust me, even if things may seem bad and you feel weak it's okay, you have to keep pushing and doing what you know is right, that is true strength in my eyes. Don't blame anyone but yourself for your mistakes and push ahead. If you hate yourself for falling apart then rectify it, changing is hard but we must all do it for the better. Always be true to your heart my child, I don't know much about gods or creators but I say fuck them and their divine plans. You build the road for your life and take out anyone who tries to stop your progress."

She absorbed his words, she knew he wouldn't lie to her, the warrior would try her best to head his words and keep on fighting. As she listened tears streamed down her face, she knew she could only blame herself for being weak and he was telling her it was okay, all she had to do was keep on fighting, she knew his words were true and it would be hard at times but she just had to try. She knew this but hearing the man that shaped her into the person she was and gave her the values that she had only instilled it more into her mind. There would be times when she just felt like giving up or that it won't work but she would just have to walk forward and bear through the pain, it was the path she was choosing, in order to become a leader for her goal she had to learn to fight through the pain.

"Thank you for these words, truly thank you. I will do my best to push forward and listen to what you have said, I will admit sometimes the pain feels unbearable and I just want to give up but I can't do that can I? I gotta try and stick with it and push the boulder up the hill no matter how heavy it feels I guess, thanks I love, I love you like the father that you are to me."

He couldn't hear most of what she was saying but he could read lips, he decided not to say anything, the old man felt happy but he just waved his goodbyes and started to walk away, it was just the kind of man that he was, he would just go back to the inn he was staying at then leave in the morning, he was walking funny but he used a cane to support his left side since his foot was broken.

The fiery girl watched her master leave and decided she should head home since she had nothing left to do. She felt like she had gained a little more strength, she of course hadn't overcome  her problems, but slowly she was gaining the ability to do so, she walked home with a face wet from the happy tears of realization.

Word Count: 1322/1000

Ability Trained:

[Exit]