Plot Event: Dawn of Magic

Character Name: Ariella Negri
Link to Plot Thread: Quest for knowledge
Summary of Plot: Ariella wants to become the best magician on the planet. Her brother gave her a list of magicians she could try to study under to accomplish this goal. Her first stop had been Balbadd, which was a bust so she decided to see if the magician's in Reim had more to teach her.
Key Plot Points: Reim, Figuro, ship

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Character Name: Thordur
Link to Plot Thread: https://magiworld.forumotion.com/t2026-thordur-stranded-in-reim#9133
Summary of Plot: Thordur, recently having developed extreme motion sickness when travelling on a boat had to travel all the way to reim just to get his so called "medicine" from the so called "medicine vendor"  Only to learn that there was no medicine vendor for his major problem of motionsick ness, But soon realised there was more to the world then he had imagined and since he couldn't get a job as an apprentice beast tamer he decided to train himself so soon he can get a pet(dominance perks)
Key Plot Points: Sea, Reim, Apocathaery, docks, Coliseum, beast tamers house.

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Approval overridden, huang removed.

This post does nothing to express your characters personal plot. All it shows is a poorly written/planned excuse for your character to be in Reim.

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Character Name: Myra
Link to Plot Thread: Zafar & Me
Summary of Plot: Okay, so Myra dreams of Freedom and Family. Myra plans on going a difficult and unusual path to archive her dreams, that include traveling around and even sticking with the Zou Empire. She knows that she is quite unexperienced, because in her life she hasn't seen more than a very small part of the Zou Empire, so visiting a new Empire/Country is a big step for her. All the knowledge she gains during her "travel" will help her somehow.
Key Plot Points: Zafar, Yunling, Zou, Reim, Fanalis, PC's people (creating connections, building up friendships ect)

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Character Name: Trever Winnett
Link to Plot Thread: https://magiworld.forumotion.com/t2085-why-am-i-here-plot-solo#9482
Summary of Plot: Trever meet a man that made him think of why he was in Riem. Trever did some soul searching on his own to find the answer. He came to the conclusion of becoming stronger, his family, and meeting others
Key Plot Points: Riem, Random Man

There are a couple of things I want to bring up, first. Your thread didn't describe much of where your character was, nor did it describe who that random man was, or how he came upon you or why he was even curious as to why you were there in the first place.

It's an obvious Deus Ex Machina. You should work to avoid these in the future. RP definitely exists to have fun, but there are a few core things you must keep in mind.

The suspension of disbelief that a reader has is limited. This means that if you write things that look really out of place (characters/plot moving suddenly and with no explanation), then it looks worse to the reader.

Your character's actions give life to his personality, but your character's interaction with his environment and interactions with other individuals gives life to his story. Don't forget to add some background to your character! You may have been able to imagine it just fine, but let me tell you the scene it painted in my mind: Your character was standing in an open grassland with nothing in sight except a strange man who approached you and randomly asked you why you were there. You walked away from him thinking. Maybe sitting under a lone tree. Then walked back to him and told him your answer, and he just walks on his way, nodding at the information.

It probably looked different when you were imagining it and writing it. Please take this as a learning experience to improve ^_^.


That being said, I'm applying tentative approval to this. What I said above is just my personal bit of advice to give to you as a writer.

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Bad Garret! No approving of things you clearly don't feel was up to par.


No, Trevor, I am sorry to say but your post was a bit lacking. The "goal" you noted of being stronger was hardly expressed save for a single very short line of dialogue. I don't feel like I have even the slightest grasp of what your actual In-Character plot is. Ok, you want to get stronger...how are you going to do that? What is the next/first step?

You shouldn't have a random NPC just walk up to you and ask these questions for no good reason. Give this strange man more depth or try a different means of expressing these things. To what end is this man curious about you? Is he a future enemy? A future teacher? Or is he playing a more subtle role?

I encourage you to edit your post and to try a bit harder. The issue here isn't word counts so the shortness of the post isn't really a big problem. But there is a lot more plot development you could have put into the post but after reading it there was almost none present. Please bump when you feel you are ready to have this looked over once more.

Character Name: Marsun Vajra
Link to Plot Thread: https://magiworld.forumotion.com/t2129-a-new-adventure-personal-plotsolo
Summary of Plot: A new face to adventure, the young Fanalis Marsun Vajra is tasked by his parents to set forth into the world and make a name for himself. His first stop along the way is the city of Reim, where he hopes to meet a magician and become a part of their household. Being that most magicians are known for traveling the world quite often, accompanying one of them as a bodyguard would further his chances of making the Vajra Spear Style known throughout the world. Unfortunately, both his own and his parents' knowledge of any currently living magicians is rather limited, thus his extensive search begins for a living magician that he can accompany on their journey....wherever that may lead. In addition to this, Marsun must honor his parents' requests of him....however easy or difficult that may prove to be.
Key Plot Points: Reim, Vajra Spear School, Magicians, Balbadd

There is only one thing that makes me hesitant on approving this and it's the whole magician's household thing. Could you please clarify what you mean by that? Because if you mean a magician's Djinn household, there is a big problem with that.

As of right now, not even the djinn holders know that they can have "household" members as no one has obtained one IC yet. It certainly isn't public knowledge for families to send their sons off on a quest to join one.

If you just meant their "household" in terms of being a servant of their family then that is alright.

Either way, could you please add a few more lines elaborating on why you wish to join a magician's household and how you plan on doing so? What ways will you serve them? Just give us a bit more insight into this goal and you'll have your approval ^^

Made the necessary edit

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Character Name: Eliza
Link to Plot Thread: Link (mainly in Post 5)
Summary of Plot: Eliza has been living all of her life in Heliohapt and Magnostadt, studying Magic a little bit. She desires knowledge and now wishes to travel the world and learn as much as possible about it.
Key Plot Points: Reim & Zou (places she hasn't "been" at), other Magicans, Dungeons, Nakama, Ymir

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