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Plot Event: Dawn of Magic

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51 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 08/09/14, 09:16 pm

Vardreth

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52 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 15/09/14, 09:19 pm

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Character Name: Myra
Link to Plot Thread: Zafar & Me
Summary of Plot: Okay, so Myra dreams of Freedom and Family. Myra plans on going a difficult and unusual path to archive her dreams, that include traveling around and even sticking with the Zou Empire. She knows that she is quite unexperienced, because in her life she hasn't seen more than a very small part of the Zou Empire, so visiting a new Empire/Country is a big step for her. All the knowledge she gains during her "travel" will help her somehow.
Key Plot Points: Zafar, Yunling, Zou, Reim, Fanalis, PC's people (creating connections, building up friendships ect)


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53 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 15/09/14, 09:22 pm

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54 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 16/09/14, 12:48 am

Character Name: Trever Winnett
Link to Plot Thread: http://magiworld.forumotion.com/t2085-why-am-i-here-plot-solo#9482
Summary of Plot: Trever meet a man that made him think of why he was in Riem. Trever did some soul searching on his own to find the answer. He came to the conclusion of becoming stronger, his family, and meeting others
Key Plot Points: Riem, Random Man


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55 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 16/09/14, 02:03 am

Vardreth

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There are a couple of things I want to bring up, first. Your thread didn't describe much of where your character was, nor did it describe who that random man was, or how he came upon you or why he was even curious as to why you were there in the first place.

It's an obvious Deus Ex Machina. You should work to avoid these in the future. RP definitely exists to have fun, but there are a few core things you must keep in mind.

The suspension of disbelief that a reader has is limited. This means that if you write things that look really out of place (characters/plot moving suddenly and with no explanation), then it looks worse to the reader.

Your character's actions give life to his personality, but your character's interaction with his environment and interactions with other individuals gives life to his story. Don't forget to add some background to your character! You may have been able to imagine it just fine, but let me tell you the scene it painted in my mind: Your character was standing in an open grassland with nothing in sight except a strange man who approached you and randomly asked you why you were there. You walked away from him thinking. Maybe sitting under a lone tree. Then walked back to him and told him your answer, and he just walks on his way, nodding at the information.

It probably looked different when you were imagining it and writing it. Please take this as a learning experience to improve ^_^.


That being said, I'm applying tentative approval to this. What I said above is just my personal bit of advice to give to you as a writer.

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56 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 16/09/14, 02:51 pm

Duquin

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Bad Garret! No approving of things you clearly don't feel was up to par.


No, Trevor, I am sorry to say but your post was a bit lacking. The "goal" you noted of being stronger was hardly expressed save for a single very short line of dialogue. I don't feel like I have even the slightest grasp of what your actual In-Character plot is. Ok, you want to get stronger...how are you going to do that? What is the next/first step?

You shouldn't have a random NPC just walk up to you and ask these questions for no good reason. Give this strange man more depth or try a different means of expressing these things. To what end is this man curious about you? Is he a future enemy? A future teacher? Or is he playing a more subtle role?

I encourage you to edit your post and to try a bit harder. The issue here isn't word counts so the shortness of the post isn't really a big problem. But there is a lot more plot development you could have put into the post but after reading it there was almost none present. Please bump when you feel you are ready to have this looked over once more.


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57 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 20/09/14, 09:04 am

Character Name: Marsun Vajra
Link to Plot Thread: http://magiworld.forumotion.com/t2129-a-new-adventure-personal-plotsolo
Summary of Plot: A new face to adventure, the young Fanalis Marsun Vajra is tasked by his parents to set forth into the world and make a name for himself. His first stop along the way is the city of Reim, where he hopes to meet a magician and become a part of their household. Being that most magicians are known for traveling the world quite often, accompanying one of them as a bodyguard would further his chances of making the Vajra Spear Style known throughout the world. Unfortunately, both his own and his parents' knowledge of any currently living magicians is rather limited, thus his extensive search begins for a living magician that he can accompany on their journey....wherever that may lead. In addition to this, Marsun must honor his parents' requests of him....however easy or difficult that may prove to be.
Key Plot Points: Reim, Vajra Spear School, Magicians, Balbadd



Last edited by Marsun Vajra on 20/09/14, 02:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

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58 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 20/09/14, 02:32 pm

Duquin

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There is only one thing that makes me hesitant on approving this and it's the whole magician's household thing. Could you please clarify what you mean by that? Because if you mean a magician's Djinn household, there is a big problem with that.

As of right now, not even the djinn holders know that they can have "household" members as no one has obtained one IC yet. It certainly isn't public knowledge for families to send their sons off on a quest to join one.

If you just meant their "household" in terms of being a servant of their family then that is alright.

Either way, could you please add a few more lines elaborating on why you wish to join a magician's household and how you plan on doing so? What ways will you serve them? Just give us a bit more insight into this goal and you'll have your approval ^^


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59 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 20/09/14, 02:49 pm

Made the necessary edit


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60 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 20/09/14, 03:50 pm

Vardreth

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Approved, your Huang has been rewarded! Post in 1 B-tier Xp Reward and one D-tier Xp Reward to claim the rest of your prize and be sure to include a link to this approval post when you do!


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61 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 30/09/14, 06:48 pm

Eliza

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Character Name: Eliza
Link to Plot Thread: Link (mainly in Post 5)
Summary of Plot: Eliza has been living all of her life in Heliohapt and Magnostadt, studying Magic a little bit. She desires knowledge and now wishes to travel the world and learn as much as possible about it.
Key Plot Points: Reim & Zou (places she hasn't "been" at), other Magicans, Dungeons, Nakama, Ymir


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62 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 30/09/14, 08:11 pm

Approved, your huang has been rewarded! Post in 1 B-tier Xp Reward and one D-tier Xp Reward to claim the rest of your prize and be sure to include a link to this approval post when you do!


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63 Re: Plot Event: Dawn of Magic on 30/09/14, 08:11 pm

---THIS EVENT IS NOW OVER! STAY POSTED FOR NEW EVENTS COMING SOON---


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