The Basic Forms of Yanyuan

Name: Suo [The Lock]
Tier: C
Cost: 20 Stamina
Weapon Type: Cutting Weapons
Class: Supplementary
Range: n/a
Duration: Instant
Cool-Down: 4 posts
Description:  Jian puts a few drops of a poison onto the tip of his blade, before striking the enemy at 20 m/s and slicing through their flesh (either horizontally or vertically depending on where the strike lands). 

The cut allows the blood to get into their open wound and begins to act upon the victim; a non-lethal but rather unpleasant and quick-acting poison, Suo causes the victim to feel dizzy and light-headed, to the point where it's often very hard to tell which way is up. 

Along with this is soreness of the muscles, and a painful stinging sensation, this poison causes the victim's ability to move half as fast as it normally would.  Additionally, the headache and dizziness meaning that their reaction time is halved. This effect only lasts for three turns.

Suo:
-You must choose a weapon type. Since you are doing cutting damage and your only weapons are the bladed fans, Business and Pleasure, the weapon type listed should be "Fans" "Fan Blades" Or something else indicating the weapons you're using with this ability.

-The Duration of the ability is how long the act itself lasts, not it's affect. So the duration should say "Instant" or "One Post" unless you are making this a sustained ability. The amount of time the poison effect lasts should be mentioned in the description.

-The Range of 15m applies to thrown weapons and projectile based abilities. If you yourself are moving from point A to point B then the distance traveled would be determined by Scale.

-In order to make an ability both Offensive and Supplementary, you must split the potency of both effects in half. The Offensive cut would be D-tier and the Supplementary poison would be D-tier. This means the effects of your poison should be lowered to simply stinging pains throughout the body.

-Movement across significant distance at increased speeds during an ability is now considered it's own separate supplementary action. So you would either need to run towards your opponent at your base speed then perform the ability, or you would need to remove either the poison effect or the offensive damage.

-Remove the wording that claims this would be "crippling" for lower tiered opponents. It would affect a D-rank character just the same as it would affect an A-rank character.

-Please mention the tier of damage being dealt.

-Please include the movement speed.

Bianselong:
-Some repeat issues I mentioned above such as range/scale confusion.

-Weapon Type in this case would be "Body"

-Duration should read "sustained" and Cooldown should have an extra line after the 2 posts reading "Sustained +1". The Ability Guidelines has a chart which shows how long each rank can sustain certain tier abilities. Since cool downs should always be 1 turn longer than the duration, "Sustained +1" indicates this.

-Once again, movement from point A to point B is it's own separate supplementary ability. You'll need to remove it for now.

-According to the invisibility effect section of the guidelines D-tier "invisibility" is limited to minor camouflage where you are still visible and especially noticeable against complex backgrounds. You can't simply hide in shadows, nor does your opponent's rank in relation to your own affect their ability to spot you in any way.

I suggest altering this to be taking one some sort of disguise. If you do make such a change, don't forget to add in the movement speed at which you change into the disguise.

Dui:
-The description for this one is blank :o

-Unless you are throwing your fans with this move, the range needs altering.

Xunsu:
-This is a speed buff ability. Only Body Manipulation Spec users can create speed/strength buff abilities. Exceptions are Djinn/Household users with applicable powers or Strength Users making use of Magoi Manipulation.

-If you did have the correct specialization, this ability still wouldn't be approved for the following reasons.

-You can't add onto ability speeds with a buff. Only increase your base speed outside of abilities.

-You'd need to have at least a C-tier ability in order to gain a damage/strength buff as well because you'd need to split the potency of effects between speed and strength. Something that can't be done on a D-tier move.

Yun:
-I'm just going to re-write this ability for you so you can see the type of wording and format you should be aiming for. Flavor text is nice, but we generally try to get players to cut such "fat" from ability descriptions when possible in order to keep things simple and easy to understand.

-One thing you'll notice in this re-write is that it is no longer a defensive ability. Dodging/moving at ability speeds is considered a supplementary action.

-Another thing you may notice is that there is no longer any wording saying it will absolutely dodge moves going slower than a certain speed. Even if you are moving at 15m/s, an opponent right next to you could still hit you with an attack moving 5m/s if their weapon was big enough. That is just one example of why dodging moves can never guarantee slower moves wont hit you.

-Here is the edited version:

Code:

[b]Name:[/b] Yun [The Cloud]
[b]Tier:[/b] D
[b]Cost:[/b] 10 Stamina
[b]Weapon Type:[/b] Body
[b]Class:[/b] Supplementary
[b]Range:[/b] Self
[b]Duration:[/b] Instant
[b]Cool-Down:[/b] 2 posts
[b]Description:[/b] Jian leaps 1 to 3m into the air at 15m/s and lands with a roll 1 to 3m away from his starting position.


Bump

Suo:
-The way this is worded, you just have all your attacks coated in this poison. Unfortunately the system doesn't support constantly poisoned weapons. Please change the wording so you're adding the poison somehow for the ability.

-This ability needs a movement speed.

-You need to remove some of these additional poison effects which are not part of the system effects or replace system effects with them. The dizziness and muscle spasms are both not part of normal affects.

-Instead of just vaguely stating that you cut your opponent, the ability should have a slightly more specific note as to what kind of attack is performed. A horizontal strike? A vertical slash? A thrust?

Yan:
-The radius of the smoke cloud needs to be included. This would be based off of Scale.

-The speed is missing. Both for how fast the ball is thrown and how fast the smoke spreads.

-Keep in mind that if you are also inside the smoke, you would also be affected by the 1 turn of blindness. Also, please lower the severity down to blurried vision as this is just D-tier. It's still fine if they can't see through the smoke, but losing sight entirely just by entering it for a second is a bit too powerful.

Huxian:
-This needs to mention the tier of damage dealt.

-You don't need to mention that people need to use an ability to counter this move. Abilities automatically win in a clash with non-ability actions.

Xunsu:
-This just needs a slightly more specific detail about the "strike" done to execute it. For example, Liber's paralysis moves require that he swipe his arm through the air throwing or stabbing an needle into a target.


Yun:
-Approved and added to your vault.

Code:


[size=12][b]Name:[/b] Yun [The Cloud][/size]
[size=12][b]Tier:[/b] D[/size]
[size=12][b]Cost:[/b] 10 Stamina[/size]
[size=12][b]Weapon Type:[/b] Body[/size]
[size=12][b]Class:[/b] Supplementary[/size]
[size=12][b]Range:[/b] Self[/size]
[size=12][b]Duration:[/b] Instant[/size]
[size=12][b]Cool-Down:[/b] 2 posts[/size]
[size=12][b]Description:[/b] Jian leaps 1 to 3m into the air at 15m/s and lands with a roll 1 to 3m away from his starting position.[/size]

Bump

Suo:
-Just need some minor wording changes.

-Please change "them" to "an enemy" in the first sentence.

-Please remove the "extreme" adjective from the blurry vision. Nothing is "extreme" at C-tier. Except for perhaps the inhuman speeds but in this world it's fairly "normal" xD

The rest are approved and added to your vault~

Code:

[size=12][b]Name:[/b] [/size]Yan [The Smoke]
[size=12][b]Tier:[/b] D[/size]
[size=12][b]Cost: [/b]1[/size][size=12]0 Stamina[/size]
[size=12][b]Weapon Type:[/b] Body[/size]
[size=12][b]Class: [/b]Supplementary[/size]
[size=12][b]Range: [/b]-[/size]
[size=12][b]Duration: [/b]Instant[/size]
[size=12][b]Cool-Down: [/b][/size][size=12]2 posts[/size]
[size=12][b]Description: [/b]Jian throws a capsule at the ground at 15 m/s, which explodes in a shower of noxious-smelling smoke which stretches out for three meters within .2 of a second. Anyone within three meters who don't close their eyes before the smoke gets into their eyes will have extremely blurry vision, finding it hard to focus on anything. [/size]

[size=12][b]Name:[/b] [/size]Huxian [The Arc]
[size=12][b]Tier:[/b] D[/size]
[size=12][b]Cost: [/b][/size][size=12]1[/size][size=12]0 Stamina[/size]
[size=12][b]Weapon Type:[/b] Fans[/size]
[size=12][b]Class: [/b]Offensive[/size]
[size=12][b]Range: [/b]7 meters [/size]
[size=12][b]Duration: [/b]Instant[/size]
[size=12][b]Cool-Down: [/b]2 posts[/size]
[size=12][b]Description: [/b]Jian throws one of his fans in a specific direction, slicing through anything in its' path, doing D rank damage. The fan moves at 15 m/s  and will return to the user's hand after ricocheting off of a wall or rock. [/size]

[size=12][b]Name:[/b] [/size]Xunsu [The Swift]
[size=12][b]Tier:[/b] D[/size]
[size=12][b]Cost: [/b][/size][size=12]1[/size][size=12]0 Stamina[/size]
[size=12][b]Weapon Type: [/b]N/A[/size]
[size=12][b]Class: [/b]Supplementary[/size]
[size=12][b]Range: [/b][/size][size=12]n/a[/size]
[size=12][b]Duration: [/b]Instant[/size]
[size=12][b]Cool-Down: [/b][/size][size=12]2 posts[/size]
[size=12][b]Description: [/b]Jian strikes at 15 m/s, thrusting with his bare fist towards the middle of his opponent's chest, hitting a pressure point on their body. By doing this, they will find themselves completely unable to move one of their leg, making it impossible to run or to perform any leg-based techniques, though their arms are completely untouched. this leg-based paralysis lasts for two turns. [/size]

Thar we go. Final bump

Final ability approved.

Code:

[b]Name:[/b] Suo [The Lock]
[b]Tier:[/b] C
[b]Cost: [/b]20 Stamina
[b]Weapon Type: [/b]Cutting Weapons
[b]Class: [/b]Supplementary
[b]Range: [/b]Close
[b]Duration: [/b]Instant
[b]Cool-Down: [/b]3 posts
[b]Description:  [/b]Jian puts a few drops of a poison onto the tip of his blade, before striking the enemy at 20 m/s and slicing through their flesh (either horizontally or vertically depending on where the strike lands).

The cut allows the blood to get into their open wound and begins to act upon the victim; a non-lethal but rather unpleasant and quick-acting poison, Suo causes the victim to feel dizzy and light-headed, to the point where it's often very hard to tell which way is up.

Along with this is soreness of the muscles, and a painful stinging sensation, this poison causes the victim's ability to move half as fast as it normally would. Additionally, the headache and dizziness meaning that their reaction time is halved. This effect only lasts for three turns.