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Longzufu First Set

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1Longzufu First Set Empty Longzufu First Set on 04/05/18, 05:20 pm

Lagi

Lagi
Ω-Tier
Ω-Tier
Crystal Spike
Name: Crystal Spikes
Tier:B
Class: Beast Tamer (Longzufu)
Type: Offensive
Range: Long
Requirements/Drawbacks:  After  Lagi giving the command of "Rise", Longzufu errupts an array of spike pillars.
Scaling: Powerhouse- For 10 more stamina, the amount of damage the spike wave can do is increase by an additional tier, capping at A -tier damage.
Sustain: 0
Cost: 30 Stamina
Cool Down: 3 Posts
Description:

    After giving the command of crystal spikes through a series of taps in on the ground, Longzufu initiates this moves. The tap are in a morse code specifically created to command Longzufu in the ground, but if the dragon is above ground, the command for Crystal Spikes can be said verbally.  By slamming down one of its limbs on the ground and starts a high generation process, Longzufu creates a wave of sharp crystals that erupt from the ground. The spikes themselves are 5 meters in width and 10 meters in length, with the coverage of the technique itself going by 15 meters from the technique ignition point. This ability deals B rank piercing crystal damage and can be done while Longzufu is above ground or below ground. If longzufu is below ground, tremor sense can be used to auto aim the positioning of his spikes to grounded targets that are within his sensory range.  If sustained, Longzufu can perform this technique again.  


Crystal Barrier
Name: Crystal Barrier
Tier:A
Class: Beast Tamer (Longzufu)
Type: Defensive
Range: Long
Requirements/Drawbacks:  After saying crystal barrier, Longzufu starts the process.
Scaling:Strong Guard: For every 10 stamina paid, an additional crystal layer of the same protective specs is added to the dome.
Sustain: 0
Cost: 40 Stamina
Cool Down: 4 Posts
Description:

     After saying Crystal Barrier as a command, the dragon initiates this move by generating a crystal dome x and x meters in length and width, with the dimensions of all capping at 30 meters.  Longzufu first grows this crystal from underneath by keeping available limbs touching the ground. The growth itself starts from underground and encases an area like a dome. The crystal dome can block 1 A-Tier, 2 B-Tier, 4 C-tiers or 8 D-Tier abilities before breaking. If sustained, the dome repair's itself or longzufu can create another dome to protect itself and its user/allies.  



Crystal Cannon
Name:Crystal Cannon
Tier:B-Tier
Class: Beast Tamer (Longzufu)
Type:  Offensive
Range: Long
Requirements/Drawbacks: After a command from Lagi, Longzufu grows crystal in his mouth before spitballing the cannon ball.
Scaling: Hits- For every 10 stamina paid, the amount of cannon balls that's fired at a time is doubled.
Sustain: 0
Cost: 30 Stamina
Cool Down: 3 Posts
Description:

    After giving the verbal command for crystal cannon, Longzufu begins performing this move. By generating crystals in it's mouth, Longzufu generates and a 5-meter spiked crystal cannonball in diameter before spitting it out at a high velocity.  The crystal in his mouth is molded into a cannonball by continuous crunching from the dragon's hardened teeth. This cannonball travels as far as 30 meters and deals B rank crushing damage. When sustained, this ability can be fired off once more.


Crystal Mirror
Name:Crystal Mirror
Tier:B
Class: Beast Tamer (Longzufu)
Type:  Supplementary
Range: Long
Requirements/Drawbacks: With a command to blind them and a snap of his fingers, Longzufu creates a crystal mirror.
Scaling: Rock polish- For every 10 stamina paid, the distance of the shine is increased by 5 feet.
Sustain: 0
Cost: 30 Stamina
Cool Down: 3 Posts
Description:

    After giving a verbal command of crystal mirror, Longzufu creates this ability. With this ability, Longzufu creates a 10-meter crystal mirror buy generating crystals from in front of it in order to shape and form into the desired dimensions. m One side is polished, allowing it to reflect and magnify sources of light while the other is rough. The crystal itself creates a bright shine that can reach as far as 20 meters from where it's positioned before it dispersal on the polished side.  Those exposed would receive the blindness status effect for three posts. This is a one-time use ability unless sustained. When sustained, Longzufu can blind them again with the already existing crystal mirror or creating another crystal mirror.



Crystal Wall
Name:Crystal Wall
Tier:B
Class: Beast Tamer (Longzufu)
Type:  Defensive
Range: Long
Requirements/Drawbacks:Longzufu must first slam down one of it's limbs to generate a wall.
Scaling:  Wall - For  every 10 more stamina paid, the the size of the wall will increase by 5 meters in length and width.
Sustain: 0
Cost: 30 Stamina
Cool Down: 3 Posts
Description:

    With the verbal order of Crystal Wall, Longzufu performs this move. With Longzufu slamming it's hand or feat down in the direction that it wants the wall to generate, it creates a crystal wall that's 10 meters in length and 5 meters in width.  the slamming itself raises up a high-speed crystal generation from within the ground in order to rise up. The crystal wall can block 1 B-Tier, 2 C-Tier, or 4 D-Tier abilities before breaking. If sustained, Longzufu can either reform the wall or create another one at another location.



Last edited by Lagi on 04/06/18, 03:49 am; edited 8 times in total


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2Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 07/05/18, 04:38 am

Jingyi Hou

Jingyi Hou
A-Tier
A-Tier
Hey, Lagi! Since I was the one who graded Longzufu, I'll be the one handling his abilities.

First off, I want to clarify some things:

  • Crystals that are made from the trait Terraforming - Crystal World are separate from ability crystals. Crystals made in abilities will follow duration rules while Terraforming Crystal World crystals only crumble after D-tier damage or after 5 posts.
  • Crystals made from the trait Crystal Manipulation will always crumble away unless sustained, as per our rules. You don't need to clarify that in your abilities.
  • Omega characters can only have 8 A-tier abilities, including cross-abilities (so members don't abuse them to have more abilities than possible). You have 5 pure A-tier Beast Tamer abilities and 2 cross-abilities that involve Beast Taming (1 of which you still need to add to your vault). This new set has 3 A-tier abilities for the Beast Tamer class. So, 10 abilities total that are A-tier for your primary class. You can only make 2 more A-tier abilities for the Beast Tamer class, so either remove some abilities or bump down their tier (and effects).


As for your abilities, there are some edits I'll need.

Crystal Freeze:


  • Off the bat, this ability is way too long when it can be reduced. While it isn't bad to have wordy abilities, it is when it's unnecessary. Staff members and regular members need to be able to easily interpret an ability.
  • Your requirements/drawbacks are way too short. What does Longzufu do in order to create crystals? Does he dig his claws into the ground and concentrate?
  • Beast Tamers always need to do something as an order to do an ability. This can be verbal commands to actions like snapping your fingers, a gesture, etc. But remember that this also means that your beast needs to be in range of Lagi in order to sense the order.
  • You're treating his crystals as if they are liquid when they're not. They can grow out of the ground at a rapid pace as if to mimic an incoming wave. They can grow around something in order to encase it. But it can't surge forwards like it's water and engulf something and keep it tapped.
  • Your range for this ability is way too much. It's 25m wide, 25m tall, and it can move as far as 40m away. So, essentially 90 meters total. Long-ranged Beast Tamer abilities are cut off around 35m.
  • If the ability immobilizes for A-tier, then it can only do that. If someone shatters the crystal, they won't be dealt A-tier damage unless you split it B/B, C/C/B, etc. This also applies to the C-tier effect you have in this ability.
  • Due to the nature of how this ability works, say someone was about to hit Longzufu and they become encased. Then the durability of the crystal (based on the tier of the immobilization) takes the damage from that ability. You can't have A-tier immobilization + C-tier defense unless it takes away from the tier of the immobilization.
  • These crystals will naturally break apart after a certain number of posts due to our ability system rules. Since it's an A-tier immobilization technique, it can only immobilize for x-posts.
  • Adjust your scaling accordingly to my grading. You can increase its durability, duration, etc.
  • Adjust the type of the ability accordingly to my grading and how you decided to run with this ability.
  • Adjust the tier and the effects of this ability accordingly to the amount of A-tier abilities you can have.
  • Lagi, something happened to the cooldown section. Please add it in with the appropriate cool-down for A-tier abilities (4).


Suggestion on improvement: your ability should look something like this. It doesn't have to be this since it's just an example.

    "Lagi [action here], alerting Longzufu to use Crystal Freeze. By [Longzufu's action to begin the ability], he grows an area of 10x10m crystals that burst forth from the ground, up to  15m away from Longzufu. Anything in that area becomes encased in crystals, immobilizing them. The crystals can only handle up to A-tier worth of damage and naturally break apart after 4 posts (unless sustained)."

Crystal Armor:


  • This suffers from being much too long as Crystal Freeze does.
  • Adjust the tier and the effects of this ability accordingly to the amount of A-tier abilities you can have.
  • Adjust the range to "Close".
  • Armor abilities are defensive. Adjust the type accordingly.
  • Specify the order Lagi gives and what Longzufu does in order to do Crystal Armor.
  • Your scaling is basically sustaining but for a cheaper cost. Adjust the scaling to something acceptable, such as duration.
  • You can't have an A-tier armor and increase Longzufu's basic damage to ability damage in the same ability. Keep it purely defensive.
  • Lagi, where did those cooldowns go.


Suggestion on improvement: your ability should look something like this. It doesn't have to be this since it's just an example.

    "Lagi [action here], alerting Longzufu to use Crystal Armor. By [Longzufu's action to begin the ability], encasing his entire body in crystal armor. It blocks up to A-tier worth of damage before shattering and will naturally break apart after 4 ports."

Crystal Canon:
  • There's no "crystal energy". For this to work, Longzufu either spitballs it or launches it with a part of his body.
  • What are Lagi's orders to Longzufu?
  • The scaling is "hits", not rapid fire. Please adjust accordingly.
  • Where are my cooldowns, Lagi.
  • Adjust the tier and the effects of this ability accordingly to the amount of A-tier abilities you can have.
  • The "range" is too big, Lagi. 15x15m that goes 40m? I think not. And anyway, a smaller projectile is harder to see and makes it harder to avoid.

  • Crystal Mirror:

    • Where are Lagi's orders to Longzufu?
    • You also need to state that there needs to be a strong light source (such as the sun or the moon; nothing like candles).
    • The scaling should only increase for 5m per 10 stamina.
    • Where are the cooldowns, Mr. Lagi?!
    • This ability can be way shortened down. Also, one use only unless sustained. You can't blind someone multiple times with a single ability.

    Suggestion on improvement: your ability should look something like this. It doesn't have to be this since it's just an example.

      "Lagi [action here], alerting Longzufu to use Crystal Mirror. By [Longzufu's action to begin the ability], he creates a 5x5m tall slab of crystal. One side is polished, allowing it to reflect and magnify sources of light while the other is rough. Those in front of the mirror within 30m side are blinded for 3 posts."

    Crystal Wall:
  • The type of this ability is defensive, Lagi.
  • Due to our systems, A-tier abilities will beat scaled B-tier abilities. Defensive Scalings are only for things where you bat/block away an incoming attack and scale so you can do it twice without sustaining. A much better scale would be range, so you can increase the width and height of the wall by 5m.
  • The wall should be 10m tall by around 5m wide.
  • What have you done to the cooldowns?!


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    { Alt Account: Amatus Laertes & Merari }

    3Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 07/05/18, 10:37 am

    Lagi

    Lagi
    Ω-Tier
    Ω-Tier
    fixed


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    4Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 11/05/18, 06:24 am

    Jingyi Hou

    Jingyi Hou
    A-Tier
    A-Tier
    Don't ignore my grading on Crystal Freeze and about you having too many A-tier abilities. I already explained why it can't work as it is, both on here and when you DM'd me.

    I'm not going to run circles, Lagi. This happened with Longzufu and I ended up doing him myself. I'm not going to do that again. Either you fix it to follow my gradings or I'll deny this set.


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    { Alt Account: Amatus Laertes & Merari }

    5Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 12/05/18, 03:34 am

    Lagi

    Lagi
    Ω-Tier
    Ω-Tier
    fixed


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    6Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 13/05/18, 09:12 am

    Jingyi Hou

    Jingyi Hou
    A-Tier
    A-Tier
    Thank you, Lagi.

    Crystal Spike:
    You didn't have to make this an offensive ability. What I was suggesting is the crystal forms around someone in order to encase them and immobilize them.

    However, if you want to keep it as it is, just limit the "with the coverage of the technique itself going by 30 meters from the technique ignition point" this to 15m and the length to 10m. Don't forget to include Lagi's order to Longzufu in the description.

    Crystal Barrier:

    This ability looks good, but there are just two things that need to be changed.

    "with the dimensions of both capping at 35 meters" that should be with the dimensions of all capping at 30 meters".

    Crystal Canon:

    Like Crystal Barrier, just remove the "crystal energy" part and then edit the description slightly. Longzufu forms a chunk of crystal in his mouth that's 5m in diameter before spitting it out at high velocity. Also, include Lagi's order to Longzufu in the description.

    Crystal Mirror:

    "With this ability, Longzufu creates a 10-meter crystal mirror. One side is polished, allowing it to reflect and magnify sources of light while the other is rough. The crystal itself creates a bright shine that can reach as far as 30 meters from where it's positioned before it dispersal on the polished side.  Those exposed would receive the blindness status effect for three posts.  Those in front of the mirror within 30m side are blinded for 3 posts. This is a one-time use ability unless sustained. When sustained, Longzufu can blind them again with the already existing crystal mirror or creating another crystal mirror."

    Just remove the bolded bit, add the snapping fingers to the description, and it'll be good.

    Crystal Wall:

    Just add Lagi's order to Longzufu.

    Please bump when you've fixed everything, Lagi!


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    7Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 14/05/18, 04:59 am

    Lagi

    Lagi
    Ω-Tier
    Ω-Tier
    bump


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    8Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 14/05/18, 05:29 am

    Jingyi Hou

    Jingyi Hou
    A-Tier
    A-Tier
    CRYSTAL SPIKE

    Include Lagi's order in the description of the ability. Additionally, include an action Longzufu does to initiate Crystal Spike.


    CRYSTAL BARRIER

    Include Lagi's order in the description and what action Longzufu does to initiate Crystal Barrier. Also, reword your scale to something akin to: "for every 10 stamina invested, an additional dome grows on top of the previous as a layer".


    CRYSTAL CANNON

    Describe Lagi's order in the description and what Longzufu does to start growing the cannonball (such as chewing it into form in his mouth).


    CRYSTAL MIRROR

    Describe Lagi's order in the description and what Longzufu does to initiate Crystal Mirror.


    CRYSTAL WALL

    What does Lagi do to order Longzufu? Also, describe the leg slam in the description.


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    { Alt Account: Amatus Laertes & Merari }

    9Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 15/05/18, 07:36 am

    Lagi

    Lagi
    Ω-Tier
    Ω-Tier
    bump


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    10Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 29/05/18, 12:19 pm

    Merrze

    Merrze
    A-Tier
    A-Tier
    Crystal Spike: Is the command audio or visual, since the creature is going under ground I would suggest that you go with something audio related but also a physical, as if it's under ground it might not always here the command. Maybe something like a stomp or a knock might be a good indicator.


    Crystal Mirror Scaling needs to be in metric system


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    11Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 04/06/18, 03:50 am

    Lagi

    Lagi
    Ω-Tier
    Ω-Tier
    idk what u meant but its within 30 meters i guess for the mirror...or just be more specific and tell me the size..

    everything else is fixed


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    12Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 04/06/18, 04:49 am

    Merrze

    Merrze
    A-Tier
    A-Tier
    Approved for Training

    Code:
    [center][b]Crystal Spike[/b][/center]
    [b]Name:[/b] Crystal Spikes
    [b]Tier:[/b]B
    [b]Class:[/b] Beast Tamer (Longzufu)
    [b]Type:[/b] Offensive
    [b]Range:[/b] Long
    [b]Requirements/Drawbacks:[/b]  After  Lagi giving the command of "Rise", Longzufu errupts an array of spike pillars.
    [b]Scaling:[/b] Powerhouse- For 10 more stamina, the amount of damage the spike wave can do is increase by an additional tier, capping at A -tier damage.
    [b]Sustain:[/b] 0
    [b]Cost:[/b] 30 Stamina
    [b]Cool Down:[/b] 3 Posts
    [b]Description:[/b]
    [list]
    After giving the command of crystal spikes through a series of taps in on the ground, Longzufu initiates this moves. The tap are in a morse code specifically created to command Longzufu in the ground, but if the dragon is above ground, the command for Crystal Spikes can be said verbally.  By slamming down one of its limbs on the ground and starts a high generation process, Longzufu creates a wave of sharp crystals that erupt from the ground. The spikes themselves are 5 meters in width and 10 meters in length, with the coverage of the technique itself going by 15 meters from the technique ignition point. This ability deals B rank piercing crystal damage and can be done while Longzufu is above ground or below ground. If longzufu is below ground, tremor sense can be used to auto aim the positioning of his spikes to grounded targets that are within his sensory range.  If sustained, Longzufu can perform this technique again.  [/list]

    [center][b]Crystal Barrier[/b][/center]
    [b]Name: [/b]Crystal Barrier
    [b]Tier:[/b]A
    [b]Class:[/b] Beast Tamer (Longzufu)
    [b]Type:[/b] Defensive
    [b]Range:[/b] Long
    [b]Requirements/Drawbacks:[/b]  After saying crystal barrier, Longzufu starts the process.
    [b]Scaling:[/b]Strong Guard: For every 10 stamina paid, an additional crystal layer of the same protective specs is added to the dome.
    [b]Sustain:[/b] 0
    [b]Cost:[/b] 40 Stamina
    [b]Cool Down:[/b] 4 Posts
    [b]Description:[/b]
    [list]
     After saying Crystal Barrier as a command, the dragon initiates this move by generating a crystal dome x and x meters in length and width, with the dimensions of all capping at 30 meters.  Longzufu first grows this crystal from underneath by keeping available limbs touching the ground. The growth itself starts from underground and encases an area like a dome. The crystal dome can block 1 A-Tier, 2 B-Tier, 4 C-tiers or 8 D-Tier abilities before breaking. If sustained, the dome repair's itself or longzufu can create another dome to protect itself and its user/allies.  [/list]


    [center][b]Crystal Cannon[/b][/center]
    [b]Name:[/b]Crystal Cannon
    [b]Tier:[/b]B-Tier
    [b]Class:[/b] Beast Tamer (Longzufu)
    [b]Type:[/b]  Offensive
    [b]Range:[/b] Long
    [b]Requirements/Drawbacks:[/b] After a command from Lagi, Longzufu grows crystal in his mouth before spitballing the cannon ball.
    [b]Scaling:[/b] Hits- For every 10 stamina paid, the amount of cannon balls that's fired at a time is doubled.
    [b]Sustain:[/b] 0
    [b]Cost:[/b] 30 Stamina
    [b]Cool Down:[/b] 3 Posts
    [b]Description:[/b]
    [list]
    After giving the verbal command for crystal cannon, Longzufu begins performing this move. By generating crystals in it's mouth, Longzufu generates and a 5-meter spiked crystal cannonball in diameter before spitting it out at a high velocity.  The crystal in his mouth is molded into a cannonball by continuous crunching from the dragon's hardened teeth. This cannonball travels as far as 30 meters and deals B rank crushing damage. When sustained, this ability can be fired off once more. [/list]

    [center][b]Crystal Mirror[/b][/center]
    [b]Name:[/b]Crystal Mirror
    [b]Tier:[/b]B
    [b]Class:[/b] Beast Tamer (Longzufu)
    [b]Type:[/b]  Supplementary
    [b]Range:[/b] Long
    [b]Requirements/Drawbacks:[/b] With a command to blind them and a snap of his fingers, Longzufu creates a crystal mirror.
    [b]Scaling:[/b] Rock polish- For every 10 stamina paid, the distance of the shine is increased by 5 feet.
    [b]Sustain:[/b] 0
    [b]Cost:[/b] 30 Stamina
    [b]Cool Down:[/b] 3 Posts
    [b]Description:[/b]
    [list]
    After giving a verbal command of crystal mirror, Longzufu creates this ability. With this ability, Longzufu creates a 10-meter crystal mirror buy generating crystals from in front of it in order to shape and form into the desired dimensions. m One side is polished, allowing it to reflect and magnify sources of light while the other is rough. The crystal itself creates a bright shine that can reach as far as 20 meters from where it's positioned before it dispersal on the polished side.  Those exposed would receive the blindness status effect for three posts. This is a one-time use ability unless sustained. When sustained, Longzufu can blind them again with the already existing crystal mirror or creating another crystal mirror.[/list]


    [center][b]Crystal Wall[/b][/center]
    [b]Name:[/b]Crystal Wall
    [b]Tier:[/b]B
    [b]Class:[/b] Beast Tamer (Longzufu)
    [b]Type:[/b]  Defensive
    [b]Range:[/b] Long
    [b]Requirements/Drawbacks:[/b]Longzufu must first slam down one of it's limbs to generate a wall.
    [b]Scaling:[/b]  Wall - For  every 10 more stamina paid, the the size of the wall will increase by 5 meters in length and width.
    [b]Sustain:[/b] 0
    [b]Cost:[/b] 30 Stamina
    [b]Cool Down:[/b] 3 Posts
    [b]Description:[/b]
    [list]
    With the verbal order of Crystal Wall, Longzufu performs this move. With Longzufu slamming it's hand or feat down in the direction that it wants the wall to generate, it creates a crystal wall that's 10 meters in length and 5 meters in width.  the slamming itself raises up a high-speed crystal generation from within the ground in order to rise up. The crystal wall can block 1 B-Tier, 2 C-Tier, or 4 D-Tier abilities before breaking. If sustained, Longzufu can either reform the wall or create another one at another location. [/list]


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    13Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 06/06/18, 05:34 am

    Lagi

    Lagi
    Ω-Tier
    Ω-Tier


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    14Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 09/06/18, 10:30 am

    Merrze

    Merrze
    A-Tier
    A-Tier
    Training Approved!


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    15Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 09/06/18, 10:52 am

    Lagi

    Lagi
    Ω-Tier
    Ω-Tier


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    16Longzufu First Set Empty Re: Longzufu First Set on 18/07/18, 09:31 pm

    Noir Ecryola

    Noir Ecryola
    Ω-Tier
    Ω-Tier
    Training approved


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