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Magos’ Beast [Starter Beast]

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1Magos’ Beast [Starter Beast]  Empty Magos’ Beast [Starter Beast] on 07/06/19, 05:23 pm

Magos’ Beast [Starter Beast]  C3194a8919c7a9e7a9fa23811a2845c8
Name: Oni
Tier: D
Type: Normal
Species: Hell Fox
Appearance: Oni weighs about 700 pounds. The head to body length is 4.6m (15 ft). His lower limbs are red to replicate fire and he has fire details covering most of his body parts. He is able to strangle somebody to death with one of his tails. He is classified as a battle partner and a mount. He is roughly the size of an adult rhino.

Trait Name: Enhanced Cellular Regeneration
Trait Tier: D
Trait Requirement: He may only heal once per thread
Trait Description: Oni is able to regenerate faster than most living creatures
Trait Effect: Heal up to D-Tier damage once per thread

Trait Name: Iron Fur
Trait Tier: D
Trait Requirement: Beast
Trait Description: Oni won’t be damaged by any sword unless higher than C Tier.
Trait Effect: Oni requires an additional D-Tier worth of damage to kill and defeat.

Trait Name: Ignitable Sweat
Trait Tier: D
Trait Requirement: Fire Beast
Trait Description: Oni has ignitable sweat that he can use for anything.
Trait Effect: Oni is able to register abilities using a gasoline-like sweat that can ignite on fire when force is applied to it.



Last edited by Magos Alexius on 16/06/19, 07:47 pm; edited 7 times in total

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Trently

Trently
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Let us begin the grading, beast review 👏


  • Add to every Trait that it is D-Tier.

  • Please remove the part that it can outrun a horse. It is not able to at D-Tier and that part must be a trait.

  • Almighty Howl may not be a trait, it must be an ability.

  • Trait Effect for Enhanced Cellular Regeneration is not approvable as it is far too vague. How much does this trait heal up to, up to what tier of damage? It may only heal once per thread and can only heal up to D-Tier damage.

  • For the Description of Iron Fur, please describe how Iron Fur looks and what it does but leave its Effects within the bounds of the systems in Effects.

  • This leads us into Iron Fur's Effects which you oddly enough put in the Description mentioned above. Here is an alternate Effect that is approvable: Oni requires an additional D-Tier worth of damage to kill and defeat.

  • For the Effect of Ignitable Sweat, how about Oni is able to register abilities using a gasoline like sweat that can ignite on fire when force is applied to it.


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Magos’ Beast [Starter Beast]  BQdy5Kr
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Fixed it.

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Trently

Trently
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Here is what to change:

  • Remove the first sentence for Enhanced Cellular Regeneration and specify in the second sentence that the trait may only heal up to D-Tier damage once per thread.

  • You have nothing in Effect for Iron Fur, what I was trying to say in my last post was that your are putting the Effects in Description and that is wrong. Please put your Effects in the Effects section. Also, as I said before, keep in mind that your Effect for Iron Fur cannot be approved in its current state. I advise instead for you to add "Oni requires an additional D-Tier worth of damage to be defeated or killed" like I said in my last grading post. However, keep in mind my advised Effect is still being debated in staff on whether or not it can be approved.


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Magos’ Beast [Starter Beast]  BQdy5Kr
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Trently

Trently
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We are almost done, sorry, there was a discussion about this beast and the technicality of its traits.

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For your Enhanced Cell Regeneration, may we please change it to Oni having access to healing abilities he must register explained by Oni owning a faster and better cell regeneration.

Advised Change: Oni is able to register self healing abilities explained by his fast and enhanced cell regeneration.

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Onto the Iron Fur Trait, the wording used for traits like that would be along these lines:

"The iron fur is capable of reducing the damage of physical attacks by D-tier."

If you may, please change it to the above but keep in mind your iron fur would not help against lightning or fire magic, or perhaps even heat. The iron fur also is not effective if the beast's eye is targeted, just keep that in mind.


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Magos’ Beast [Starter Beast]  BQdy5Kr
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